Yes, I am a guarded girl. Most of the people assume me to be a heartless bitch or too practical of a person, some think that I am super chill to consider emotions, some think that I lack a general sense of character, some think that I am just far too cool for them to understand so they don’t even try and some look upon me as a strong person who has developed a superhuman power of having no emotions. Each one of them judge me differently without knowing anything about me for real. But that doesn’t really bother me much, you know why because I am a guarded girl. And I am proud of myself for building those walls for myself so well.
I have realised building walls was one of the best decisions I have ever taken but it’s a boon and bane both at the same time. It’s a boon because I would prefer being called as a heartless bitch any day over a being called as a weak person who falls for things easily. It is sort of a defence mechanism it keeps you safe from all those people who are not going to stay…it keeps you off all the unrequired drama, it keeps you away from being called as a person who can be used or walked over easily. Initially it only makes you look stronger but eventually you will get use to the strength and possess it for real and that my friend, is when you realise that you’ve out grown yourself and finally made yourself proud.
But the bane is people will never ever understand you, partly because you don’t let them in and partly because people fail to recognise a guarded person. As I said before for most people I am just a rude, emotionless human being but little do they know that I am quite literally the most emotionally weak person amongst them… even the slightest of comments and acts breaks my heart into pieces and every time this stupid little heart breaks I build in a new layer of wall, I don’t fall in love ever but unfortunately when I do, I fall head over heels and do it with every part of my soul and the last time I did it…I hurt myself enough to kill the part of my soul which believed in love. But all of that is what I have chosen for myself and I pay the consequences with all due respect without complaining much about it. But all I want to convey through this post is, try and understand or at least recognise the guarded person around you because the least we expect from everyone around us is to accept us and our guarded personality because that is our defence mechanism.