For most of the people around me anxiety isn’t even a real thing, mental health has always been a petty issue in our country and I don’t know when we as a nation are going to overcome that. I don’t understand why mental health is dealt with ignorance. our mental state is a part of our body as much as any other system. It’s sad to know that I live in a society where, me not making out of my bed is directly attributed to my laziness and disturbed sleeping habits without even once questioning the actual reason behind it.
I can’t get out of my bed because my anxiety doesn’t let me off it…I have 100 thoughts that race through my head right in that dizzy half slept state ..”Is the day worth it..? Can any good ever happen to me..? Everybody I meet will judge me…I’ll have to go through so much of unwanted human interactions… it is all worth taking so much pain.. Does our educational system really teach us anything..? What if something wrong happens to me..? What if someone yells at me..? What if I cry in front of everyone..?” with not a single positive answer right in the morning.
After battling through all the thoughts I decide to walk out of it once or twice in entire week and make it to college successfully and the first thing that happens to me is some random professor or classmate demotivates the fuck out of me, to level where it takes me 2 days to make peace with that part of issue other than day to day anxiety and random issues. I sometimes wonder what is worse people being ignorant or people being arrogant. And somehow I have managed to find a place where people are good at being both at the same time (university).
And all this is just a day to day thing, the major problem I am facing is, now that I have fucked up with my attendance and education, I continuously live under the terror of getting detained and storm of drama that will hit me right before my finals plus the guilt trip that I carry of ‘’how things were not supposed to be like this” plays the cherry on the pie.
Actually its not as worse as it sounds because somehow I know, no matter how much anxiety tries to break me, no matter how much my guilt weighs me down and no matter how hard thing get for me, I still have that tiny little voice inside me that whispers from some corner “may be not now ..But you’ve got this..! Just One More Round…”
Back in school one of our counsellors had told us about this theory called “ONE MORE ROUND ‘’, some famous boxer (I don’t remember the name) used this trick to last as long as possible in the ring. So whenever you feel like giving up, you’ve to repeat this phrase and convince yourself for one more round… one more hour of studying… one more page before closing…one more day to deal with.. Just One More Round. Even though I have become completely dysfunctional but this theory still helps me fight with my anxiety and in general life at various levels. So anyone out there who is struggling and is having a tough time, you are not alone, you’ve got this… keep hanging there buddy just ONE MORE ROUND.
I would be the happiest if this post could help a little to even a single person.
Picture credit: Google